San Francisco International Airport Great Robbery

I used to get hundreds of email from Tom but I hardly do any more.  I got this one today and it is a good one.  I have to say two things about it:  1.  I am very sure the airport people know the people that board the planes before they arrive at the airport and they don't become jerks at one's sight.  I used to fly a lot and was always let through security very quickly to my own surprise except once:  I was running late and I yelled at an airline employee when checking in and they made me go through the slow security section but were really polite.  2.  I have told Tom and others many times the airport people (this is my deduction from experience) think like police.  They are not really expecting anyone dangerous everyday but watch for anyone that may not behave properly and there is a plenty of them. If someone is wearing shorts, free-bie promotional T-shirt from some wine company and slippers, he just stands out like a sore thumb as a non-conformist.  I still think proper appearance is behind many stories about security but then again who is gonna listen to me.  We all have our own opinions.  I changed Tom's last name to Ding Dong (you can say for security reasons).  It doesn't matter but I always wanted to meet with a last name like that.  
You should put it on the Internet and let the world know how rude they can be
 Love Pauline

    LINDA- This actually happened to me as I left SFO  for JFK.
               Filed December 5, 2008. Phil would have loved this one !

                       INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

As I placed everything in a plastic container ready for the high-powered X-Ray Zap machine(FRAME) to check my belongings. I tried  nonchalantly  to zip through the metal X-ray frame as if I owned the place and of course, the alarm when off!

It seemed evident I did not satisfy the extremely short wave length formed when cathode rays impinge upon a solid body like ME – and  will  penetrate opaque substances (ME  AGAIN!). 

Now the fun starts. I was directed in a firm voice
(He looked like my drill sergeant at Fort Benning, Georgia  October 1959)
-Take every thing YOU HAVE on your person and place it in this plastic box .  All of it, TRY AGAIN, SIR!   I said, YES, SIR!  He said, Don't be funny with me, Sir! I said, Who is being funny! I had a drill sergeant like you at  Benning! He ignored me . He directed me to stand with my SHOES OFF  in a special small roped off area.
He then called over a lady officier who looked like she was 150 pounds overweight. He said to her
SEARCH  this carry-on !
Now, I was getting worried. I thought … she would confiscate my five bananas ??? (I'll eat them on the spot if need be – it was 6am – so breakfast was nearing!)

I was "searched", inspected, disrespected, disarmed , discussed, looked at, looked in back, commanded, directed, disciplined, discredited, disregarded, dispirited, reprimanded and to say the least humilated ! 

My shoes were off already -so the officer had me place my hands out – palms UP (not down, Sir!), then my arms outstretched you guess it – hands UP as he geigered me all over. He took off my belt. I asked him -Would you like me to take off my trousers and drawers too ? He said, Don't be sarcastic with me, Sir!                                        Simultaneously …
My carry-on bag was being completely emptied by the lady officier on a steel table as if it was dropped by a B 17 bomber. Then she unzippered and unbuttoned all possible "secret" pockets and threw "the  insides" on the steel table. I could not believe what was transpiring before my very eyes. Two people of Homeland Security methodically examining the contents of my carry-on and person! I felt I was a criminal as I was getting wanded, geiger counted and stared at and COMMANDED! So final the "lady" confiscated my toothpaste(there was two ounces left in the tube I told her!) . She looked at  my two sealed plastic 18 oz jars of Skippy  Peanut Butter Crunchy with scorn– she read me the riot act. "You can throw it away, Sir or check it for $80 as a third bag , 
WHICH WILL IT BE SIR ? "  I chose  losing my peanut butter and two ounces of toothpaste since I was intimidated and had watched this authority-driven, ridiculous Patriot/Secuity search  in motion!
=0 A
As a parting shot I finally said to them -One thing is for sure, I will feel really SAFE on this plane! The officier fired back, "Are you being sarcastic again with me, Sir ? No, I said, No Sir,  I am being realistic! I thanked them for allowing me to proceed to my gate sans my two jars of Skippy Peanut Butter/Crunchy. 

As I was walking to the gate, I had two hours to kill- so just for the hell of it, I walked back to retrieve my two jar of Skippy Crunchy peanut butter and two ounces of Pepsodent tooth-paste . I said to a surprised overweight lady officier "I'll  would like to get my two jars of Skippy Crunchy Peanut butter and Pepsodent toothpaste  checked- in as my third bag if you don't mind Ma'am."
They went crazy looking for my items that were confiscated and delegated to large garbage containers.  I just waited  patiently amused waiting for  my request was to be fully honored.
She came over to me and said, "Are these two YOURS" ?  I said no, mine is the SKIPPY brand and it must say Crunchy on the label -not SMOOTH!!  (I could see  plenty of peanut butter in the garbage cans!)
She said, OK , I found them – but you will have to go thru security again. I said thar  should be a piece of cake! They both snared at me!
So walked back to the check-in counter of US Airways-Dan Francisco. The jovial attendant was surprised to see me again, but she remembered
my jokes and thought I had a few more to tell
her before I boarded the flight in two hours!
This was  lady that checked me in at 5:45 am .
I said I have a problem. Can I check my two jars of Peanut Butter and my two ounces of toothpaste 
as a third bag ? I told what had just happened
and she was shaking her head saying "How could
they do that to you, you are just a nice man ?"
The U.S. Airways lady said -"Let me find a little cardboard box for you Mr. Ding Dong." She placed the two jars of Peanut Butter and toothpaste in it -complete with a tag , serial number , flight route etc. She checked it for me at no charge so I told her a few more jokes . She Laughed. 
She was very upset withHomeland Security -she was very sympathectic and I thanked her.
I said to her -Next time  I'm going to go thru security NUDE – She laughed again!
End of SF International Airport Great Robbery


One response to this post.

  1. very well written
    thank you

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